Chapter 1:

My name is Ashley I'm 13 years old and i have been raped and abused by my step father . It all started when i was 13 year old i was in bed and my mom was grocery shopping with her friend . i stayed home with my step father Kevin . When i was sleeping he will go inside my room and lay down with me . I tell him to get out and he Punch me in the face and starts taking off his pants . As much as i screamed no one could of help me . When my period was late i was scared , so i went to the pharmacy and got a pregnancy's test . I ran up stairs to the bathroom and peed on the pregnancy's test . I waited for hours , until i saw positive . I didn't know what to do . When Kevin came in my room to rape me again i stopped him and told him "Kevin I'm pregnant and its your baby " . When i told him that he said "you are a liar you stupid maniac " , then he started packing his stuff and told my mom " I'm leaving i cant live with someone who says that she is having a baby with me " .My mom flipped out and ran up stairs to my room with a whip and started hitting me . I cryed in the shower for hours . i couldn't believe that my mom hit me because her boyfriend was moving out . The next day , i woke up throwing up . i was so hungry after wards . When i went to school my friends were worried for me because i couldn't stop throwing up , so i told them that i was pregnant they said '' omg girl who u did it with" i said " I GOT RAPED " . They couldn't believe it . Duing English class i throw up again , Ms.Samuel's was suspicious about me being pregnant , so Ms.Samuel's told me to step out for a minutes . She asked me "Ashley is something going on at home" i couldn't say yes because if i told her the true my mom would kill me , so i said " no its just that I'm feeling sick " . I could tell that she wasn't believing me but i didn't care at all because i didn't want to get hit again with a whip . When i got home my mom was sitting down on the couch seeing "ARE U SMARTER THEN A six GRADER". She asked me to make her dinner , i didn't have a choose but to do it because i know if i said no she was going to hit me . When i served the food on the table i fainted . The last thing i remember was my mom poring water on my face and cursing at me . I took myself to my room and lay there until i finally went a sleep . That night i thought about running away but instead i took two steps back and ask my self " where would i go " , so instead i stay in this stupid house . when i woke up the next morning i had 10 week being pregnant . sometimes i just felt like getting up and getting a abortion but i know that if i get an abortion i was going to regret it . when i was going down my school stairs i felt down and i hit my stomach . when some stange guy picked me up and took me to the nurse , nurse asked me if i was pregnant i didnt have no choose but to tell her . she asked me " Ashley does your mom know " i said " yes but....please dont tell no one please please i beg" , it took me a long time to convince her but she finally said yes but in one condition which was to go to her everyday .
Duing lunch time i wanted to be alone and just think things through , i when to the schools garden . when i was sitting on the bench i saw my friend Keisha , she was walk toward the libary i shouted her name out and she ran toward the bench i was sitting on . I told her what was going on and she told me " girl you are to young to be pregnant , you should get an abortion." After she left i thought about what she have told me but i felt like thats the wrong thing i should do . After school Jasmin was waiting for me ,near the big old tree. Jasmin was looking really high,"ayo Ashley lets go smoke that blunt,'' ''im good Jas, i feel really sick plus you know this stupid baby is driving me crazy.'' ''you tight Ash!!ight see ya later.'' ''ttyl''. I was feeling very sick . I couldn't wait until this baby comes out . I'm not able to do nothing at all . When i was walking home i started to think about what Keisha have told me , this afternoon. I decided to wait until i have 5 month pregnant. When i got home my mom wasn't there . I saw a note on the refrigerator it said :

Dear SL__,
Im working at the strip club today . I want you to clean the house okey , if you dont ill make sure you lose the baby . Im having same guys over , and you better not bring thugs in my house ....
HATE: YOUR SUPPOSELY MOTHER>>>>

I couldn't believe that my mother called me a ''SL___''. Every day before i go to sleep i pray to GOD , asking him to open my mom eyes and let her see that I'm hurt inside. When i try to tell her that Kevin raped me , she doesn't want to believe me .
At 12:00pm, i heard my mom come in . I also heard men voices . I knew that my mom and those men were drunk. That night i couldn't sleep because my mom was blasting music. The next morning when i when down stairs to the kitchen to get breakfast . I saw a naked man , doing breakfast for my mom . ''THAT WAS NASTY'' . When i open the Refrigerator , from the corner of my eyes i could see him looking at my butt. The only thing that when through my mind was ''PERVERT". When i was walking to school i decide to cut school with Jasmin . When i was on 143st & 3ave . Jasmin to told me that if i smoked or injected speed the stress that i had from home would go away . when i was smoking i felt relax and like everything was funny for me . I knew that it was dangerous for the baby but how cares about it , I'm going to give it up for adoption anyways. Jasmin then took me home at 4:00PM . I could still feel the speed inside of me . For the all week i have been smoking , injecting speed, and etc. When i got home i could hear my mom scamming at me but i didn't care at all . so i locked myself in my room . It was Saturday , i was really bored so i decide to call u Jasmin and Keisha so we could go blowing . When we was paying for our shoes , we all saw Andrew , the most cutest boy in the whole school.Since i was in 1st grade i had a big crush on him . Jasmin stupid butt when up to him and asked him " Andrew do you and your boys want to play with us " , " its what ever''. i was so nervous but finally when i got conferable around him i felt better . When we finish the game we headed to Apple Bee's , we all laughed and laughed until we didn't have no breathe . Then when we came out Andrew told me that he like me and asked me to be his girlfriend . i didn't know what to say so i just nodded my head and right that moment he kissed me . i felt like if butterflies were flying in my stomach . When i got home i had 3 hours talking to him on the phone. He was telling me that he smokes and that he is good at baseball and all these loving thing, that made me love him more . I was very scared to tell him that i was pregnant so i decided to to tell him when we have 2 month together , but then the stomach is going to show . so i told him '' Andrew i dont want you to think wrong about me " .'' baby just go ahead and tell me " , '' Andrew im pregnant''. He didnt say nothing until 5 mins past . '' Ashley are u playing with me ?'', '' no im not , its along story but i hope this doesnt affect our reltionship'', ''baby i dont care if you are pregnant, ill help you out''. I couldnt believe that he serviously was going to help me out .